nothing

I've gone from feeling excited about getting done with school (before it ended) to enjoying not having to do homework, and now I feel like I have no direction and no drive to do anything at all.

the plan is to make myself a mini working vacation where I don't play video games and when I am sitting at my computer I am working on job stuff. Or I am laying around reading books and drinking juice, which makes me feel better emotionally.

if ever anyone needed an example of what not refilling your creative well does, I am a good one. it makes life just feel plain shitty. Like an ichy sweater only your body feels to heavy to scratch or take it off. and you can't come up with any better solutions than just laying there...

words

I feel very, detached from art. I talk about how I like to make things but when I go to do it I feel lost. I don't want to complete anything, I know everything in the world that I don't want to do.

What I want is to draw really simple things, and make really simple things. But this seems almost like I'm cheating myself. Because I can draw better than that, so I should. But I don't want to. I can create amazing shapes, but I don't want to.

I want to draw things with noodle arms, and for some reason little skulls. It makes people upset or uncomfortable the skulls. I've made four little clay people with skull faces so far and they are creepy, but happy to see me and I like them.

Just tried to take pictures of two of them, but I don't really feel like editing the photos right now.

I feel like I'm not doing what people expect of me. I'm not doing what I expected of me. I thought I would get done with school and feel like making a million things all over the place. But now when I start making something I am more likely to have no ideas or just feel very tired.

tired and sad.

I was doing better when my computer wasn't working, as much as I hate to admit that.